Aislin is 14 months. I haven’t written in awhile b/c she seemed like she was doing so good. She’s been smiling and laughing up a storm. She’s been pulling herself up and tries to cruise.
Today was a hard day. Early Intervention came and noticed something that I have noticed over the last couple weeks. Aislin isn’t really able to grasp onto toys anymore. When she eats, she picks up whatever she is eating, takes (or tries to take) a bite, and then drops whatever she is eating. She is constantly banging the table or flat surface with her hands and she always is playing with her hands. She stares at them like they are the funniest thing ever. And she clasps and then releases, clasps and then releases if that makes sense.
To say that I’m not scared for my child would be a lie. I am truly convinced she has Rett’s Syndrome. Even the Early Interventionist looked concerned today even though she really didn’t say anything except for ask if she can normally grasp onto a toy and hold it.
The last couple of weeks Aislin has been doing something too. She falls back onto her back and just lays there. She can’t get out of the position sometimes. She only rolls over to her left side.
I dont know if I just want to scream or cry or both. I love my daughter more than anything I have ever loved and it kills me that she may have something that is going to debilitate her for her life.
I was doing so good these last couple months. She learned how to clap a couple weeks ago. But I feel like everything is being pulled out from underneath me today. Just the look on EI’s face concerned me. And I know she didn’t mean to look like she was concerned but you just know when someone is concerned about something by their facial expression as well as their body language. My heart sank. I shut down 10 minutes before she left. I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m tired of people saying she is just doing Aislin time. Something is wrong with my child. I know it. My gut is telling me. She’s 14 months and can’t even hold her bottle for Christ’s Sakes. She was able to grasp things and pick them up, now it’s as if she really struggles with this.
I pray to God she doesn’t have Retts. I pray every night. But then what else could it be? I mean I know it’s “rare” but how rare is it. 1 in 10,000… This doesn’t mean she is not one of those 10,000 children.
I’m so concerned about what her future looks like. I don’t want my baby suffering and not being able to tell me what is going on with her.
No one ever tells you how hard being a parent is. I mean they tell you to an extent but they tell you in regards to a normal, healthy child. No one tells you how hard it is when your child is different.
I just feel sometimes all alone and carrying the burden on my shoulders. I think sometimes maybe I’m diagnosing her too soon or misdiagnosing her. But my biggest fear was pretty much revealed today b/c not only am I seeing it but someone on the outside is seeing it as well.